Natsukashii
by Thievinq
Summary: She was known as the Phantom Artist, a solitary figure that inspired the pessimistic and burst the bubbles of the ignorant. GoM x Fem!Kuroko
1. Prologue

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Kuroko is an artist just waiting for a muse. [GoMxFem!Kuroko] [College AU] [All mistakes are mine, and constructive criticism is always welcomed]

** Important notes at bottom **

**Edit 2/20/15** \- I only edited a few words and weird sentences. Not a full revamp, but a little spring cleaning here and there. lol

**Edit 10/11/15** \- Did some more editing, nothing major. Changed a few sentences and the whatnot. Oh and I renamed the fic from "Shadow of Humanity" to "Natsukashii."

* * *

"Art is nothing more than the shadow of humanity."

— Henry James

x

x

x

; melancholy

There is nothing poetic about being misunderstood. There are no beautiful words to cover up the unpleasant scars of loneliness. There is no art form in which these human emotions can be conveyed correctly. Artists may try, but in the end they will always fail. Because to an outsider it's nothing more than a metaphor, a story, or an emotion they had felt for a fleeting moment.

But to those who do get the message, well, it inspires them.

[ x . x . x ]

2nd year High School

"I'm home," a young girl called out, not expecting anyone to answer. After all it was only once in a blue moon that someone actually did. So in the stead of her parents the sound of silence greeted her warmly, and the darkness hugged her home.

She was used it really, scarily in fact, the constant drone of silence. What once made her nervous soon became the thing she sought refuge in. It was almost as if the sound – or rather lack of - came to be her protector toward all things malicious.

Silently she walked up a flight of stairs and into her room - as if it could be called that anymore. Along the off-white walls of her room, her bed was pushed in a far off corner in neglect, while an easel with a half-finished painting stood in the center. A dark wooden desk could be seen along the opposite wall of the bed with multitudes of watercolors and Prisma colored pencils sprawled on top of it.

With a cat like grace Tetsuna dropped her bag by the door and then walked toward the easel. She brushed her hand against the canvas, feeling where the colors literally popped out of picture.

'I applied the purple here too thickly,' she cringed at her poor judgment and began inspecting the painting once more. The longer she looked at it the more she started to hate it.

It was always like that though. The constant tug of war between satisfaction and a need for something better. Tetsuna had hoped she'd grown out of that, but as said by an English proverb, 'old habits die hard.'

The sound of a door opening downstairs broke her concentration, and left a ghost of a grimace on her lips. Quickly she took the painting off the easel and set it by the window to dry in the sun light. She then replaced with a brand new canvas with pencil markings on it.

"I'm home," a voice repeated what she had spoken just a few minutes earlier. Tetsuna then heard the loud thump of a bag being dropped and the footsteps of someone walking up the stairs. The sound stopped however in front of her room.

Knock Knock

She didn't answer, knowing her efforts would be in vain anyway, so she simply sat on the stool in front of her latest project and waited. A few moments had to have passed before the door opened with an annoying whine.

"Tetsuna, are you here?" a boy with pale brown hair stood in the frame of her doorway, scanning the area for her. Unsurprisingly he didn't. "Mom and dad won't be home tonight, so I'm making dinner. It'll be ready in an hour."

"I'm sorry but I won't be eating with you tonight, I have to study." He flinched, years of knowing her and he still was not used to her trick.

"Oh, it's alright," the dejection in his voice was obvious, "Just make sure you eat before going to sleep okay?"

She hummed in response, looking past his shoulder as to not have to look at his melancholy face. He sighed quietly and moved out of the doorway and closed the door behind him.

She let out a quiet lament of relief, and turned around to face her canvas. The guilt she felt for lying to him but it soon subsided when she reasoned with herself that he didn't really want her company. He just wanted someone to sit next to. After all, he had never asked her to sit with him when company was around.

Kuroko was only useful when no other option was available, and she knew it.

(*´∀`*)

The bluenette woke up the next morning to a pounding in her head, and a sore neck. Apparently she had fallen asleep while working on another sketch, evidence provided by the ink marks that transferred onto her cheek.

She rose from her desk and walked toward the bathroom, only to be met with a horrifying sight. She had barely moved the whole night, and yet her hair still looked like a birds nest. It had to be a curse, it was the only explanation. No one else in her family had this problem.

Kuroko then spent the next fifteen minutes trying to tame the thing she had to call hair. In a last ditch effort to make it look nice she quickly threw her hair up into a bun, hoping to conceal a part of her hair that she couldn't quite make look presentable.

In the end it looked okay, but it didn't bother her too much. No one was going to notice it anyway, but it felt nice trying to look good even if it was for herself.

"Good morning Okaa-san, Otou-san," the deep voice of her brother resonated though the air as she descended the stairs.

He was sitting at the table with their mother, and when Kuroko approached the table their father stood up. The older man grabbed his suit jacket, kissed his wife on the cheek, and ruffled Haru's hair. The bluenette watched the scene unfold and a twinge of hurt rippled across her heart.

"Aren't you forgetting Tetsuna?" her brother asked while looking at her. She frowned, a bit surprised.

"She's still sleeping," he replied automatically. "I heard her working on something until late last night. She probably needs some rest."

Her brother was about to object but their father left before he could. Their mother calmly closed her eyes and tsked. Kuroko grabbed for the eggs on the table and plopped them onto her plate, trying to ignore her mother's condescending tone.

"Tetsuna is always working on her paintings. She needs to get out more. God knows what the paint fumes are doing to her brain," their mother hummed in thought and resumed sipping on her tea. Kuroko clenched her fists, but didn't let her frustration show on her face.

She ate her food quickly and headed for the door, trying to avoid the attention of her brother. She didn't want him walking to school with her. Slipping on her shoes she then called out to her mother and brother.

"Good bye, Haru, Okaa-san."

(*´∀`*)

On her way to school though Kuroko made a pit stop at the convenience store where she quickly bought a bag of small vanilla candies.

She stuffed the bag inside her satchel, and proceeded with her journey to school, forgetting about the letter and the sketch of a picture at the bottom of her carrier.

(*´∀`*)

"Akiyama Mayumi."

"Here."

"Aomine Daiki."

The class was silent, and the teacher let out a long sigh. That would be the sixth time his student skipped class. The administrators were starting to breath down his neck and he could do nothing about it. He had threatened the kid with lowering grades, expulsion, and even getting kicked out of the basketball team.

His reaction? He had simply laughed at the prospect and nonchalantly walked away.

The teacher grumbled while marking his name as absent and continued with the list until he came across the name 'Kuroko Tetsuna.' He called the name out a few times before deciding she wasn't there.

'Great, I have another delinquent,' the teacher mentally cursed his luck and bid good-bye to his job.

"I'm right here Sensei."

As if in a trance the whole room went quiet while they all stared at the girl at the front of the classroom. Kuroko was uneasy, being the center of attention for once. She hadn't really wanted to get up, but after being called absent for a week she had gotten fed up with it.

"H-how long have you been there for?" he asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

"I've been here the whole time," that line was starting to become her catchphrase.

"You should have spoken up," Kuroko let out a deep breath and nodded her head in understanding before walking back to her desk next to a certain tanned skinned boy, but completely ignored him in favor of listening to the lecture.

(*´∀`*)

"Wah~ Kise-kun you're so cool!" All the girls sang in adoration with hearts in their eyes. It was creepy, but if he said anything about it their opinions on him would change so he remained silent.

"I heard you were dating Mayumi-san, Kise-kun. Please tell me it's a lie, I'm so much better than her~" A young female spoke with sugary charisma and a dangerous gleam to her smile. She sat on his desk and gave him a puppy dog look she knew he would never be able to ignore.

"Ah, I'm afraid it's true~" He winked and gave a thoughtful far away look. "Should I dump her for you?"

The brunette quickly nodded her head yes before walking around his desk and sitting on his lap. His hands fell nicely at her waist and she giggled. The other patrons of the scene before them could only gasp before squealing in delight or utter horror.

A certain bluenette sat at her desk and ate rice while reading a book, trying to ignore the scene. That was until she peaked over the top of the pages to see what was causing all the clamor and was met with golden eyes.

Kuroko watched him in fascination as he seamlessly flirted with man and woman in his vicinity. She observed as his eyes flickered with dark amusement and his lips curled into an exceptionally realistic smile. If she hadn't known better she would have thought it to be real.

She dismissed his behavior and went back to reading the last pages of her book, knowing full well she didn't have the right to tell him to stop faking a grin.

After all, she didn't like to be called a hypocrite.

(*´∀`*)

Kuroko had a free period after Japanese History.

She usually spent that time in the library to get caught up with that night's homework, or read her latest book. And since she had finished her book during lunch she decided she needed to pick up another.

The bluenette pushed the book into the return slot, and then proceeded into the historical fiction aisle. She mindlessly pulled a few novels out, reading the backside and then putting them back in place. After doing that a few more times she decided it was time to move onto a new genre.

Kuroko wandered into the fiction section and began the process once more.

"Do you need a book suggestion? You've been pacing for a while and it's disrupting my studying," she looked up and saw a boy with fern green hair. (1) Her eyes widened only a fraction of a centimeter before she schooled her face back into its default expression. How had he seen her?

"I'm sorry, I'll try to be quieter."

"You didn't answer my question," Kuroko hesitated to answer but did so nonetheless.

"It would be much appreciated."

"What was the last book you've read."

"The Way of All Flesh," he stopped and looked at her with a questioning gaze before walking behind the shelf. When he came back he held two books in his hand, one by Vonnegut (2) and the other McCullers.

She took the books tentatively and bowed, "Thank you…."

"Midorima Shintarō."

"Thank you Midorima -san," he nodded and went to sit back down leaving Kuroko speculating at what just happened.

Overturning the books she read the backside of each and decided on the one by McCullers It wasn't that she didn't like sad stories; she just didn't have the motivation to read about World War II.

Kuroko walked up the counter to check out her book and waited five minutes before someone noticed her. The librarian took the book she was holding with a 'Sorry dear, I didn't see you there,' and placed it under the scanner. Knowing the routine Kuroko took out her student I.D and handed it to the lady.

After she was done Kuroko walked back to her seat and made herself comfy. She had forty five minutes left of 5th period and she was determined to finish the first chapter.

"In the town there were two mutes, and they were always together."

(*´∀`*)

It was the time of day where most found themselves alone with their thoughts. Their minds left to wander wherever it pleased without people knowing or breaking them out of their daze. Most liked to stay in their reverie, but others could not handle the silence it brought.

Kuroko found herself still at school an hour after classes ended in the library. The school stayed open three hours after for extracurricular activities, and staff meetings, so they had no reason to kick her out quiet yet.

On normal days she would have headed straight home, but she wanted to be in an atmosphere that didn't make her feel as solitary. The library seemed no better than home, but it was the factor of familiarity that made her decision.

It hurt less to be ignored by people she didn't know than by the people she did.

"Seijuro-san, the principal would like to talk to you. He said it was urgent," a voice called out near her table, startling her. Had he always been there? A boy with red hair and matching eyes stood up and nodded his head, dismissing the messenger.

The surprised bluenette looked away from her reading for the second time that day and watched as he slowly moved toward the door.

He was short, but probably taller than she. His posture was magnificent and it seemed as though he knew no other way to walk; shoulders square, back straight, with a head held high, and eyes that looked down haughtily it made him look like the leader he was.

One would have to be a fool not to notice their school's president.

Kuroko shook her head in disappointment and resumed 'The Heart is a Lonely Hunter,' once more. Akashi was in every aspect what she expected him to be (from what she observed.); a no-nonsense kind of boy with a bit of contempt hidden well. After all he had to make sure he was well liked, and if that didn't work out fear was always the next best option. He had both going for him.

Time went by fast after that and in the blink of an eye it was six. She packed up her belongings and walked out the building with the book in hand.

(*´∀`*)

The next year passed by with no major happenings in her life. She was still ignored by most, and found solace in books. She still painted, but with less frequency and passion. She was still on the lookout for a chance to become someone, and was met the routine that controlled her life.

What wasn't a 'still' though was her future. Nothing could ever prepare her for what was to come.

Not even fate.

* * *

1\. You will not believe how long it took me to find an okay color description for Midorima's hair.

2\. The Books Metioned:

Slaughter House Five ((World War II ))

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter ((Coming of age, Southern-fiction))

The Way of All Flesh ((Semi-autobiography))

IMPORTANT NOTES

This story is more on the characters than on the plot – Although I am not saying there won't be plot, I'm just warning that it's not too plot heavy. I really wanted to do better characterizations and such so that's the main reason for this story.

The other point I have to make is that Kuroko is a female because someone requested it. They PM'ed me back in Feb. and I haven't responded till now. I'm sorry if you would prefer Male Kuroko.

This is a GoMxKuroko with a final pairing of KurokoxUnknown. I don't know myself to be honest.

I have all my main plot points, character backgrounds, and scenes I want incorporated, but from there I'm free writing. Go Annie.

Anyway, please review and the like. Although I would jump with joy to have people favorite and follow my work, reviews make me much more inspired.

Thank You!


	2. chapter i

**News from a dead author! **

Hey Guys! It's been forever since I've last seen you, in fact it's been over a year. OoPS.

Anyway, since this story seems to have received a good rating I've decided I will continue with it. My other stories are on an indefinite hiatus, but I will be continuing with this one until the bitter end. One of my life goals is to finish a novel, or in this case a fan fiction and even though I'm not doing the Nawirimo thing it still inspires me to write everyday. So I will no longer be dead to the world and the like. I hope people are still apart of the KnB fandom. lol

Anyway the title of this story used to be "Shadow of Humanity" but since then I've changed it.

I've noticed quite a few errors in the first chapter, but since my old laptop dIED with all of my notes and shit in it, I've decided I will try to remember what I can. I do remember a good portion of everything, but all my research is gone. ; v ;

BTW every single character in the GoM was mentioned last chapter. Some where vague, and some where REALLLY REALLY obscure, you had to squint to see it. But it will all make sense in time.

It may be a bit ooc, but I haven't read KnB IN 5EVER.

Art is not a handicraft, it is the transmission of feeling the artist has experienced.

* * *

She dwells with Beauty—Beauty that must die;

And Joy, whose hand is ever at his lips Bidding adieu;

and aching Pleasure nigh,

Turning to poison while the bee-mouth sips:

Ay, in the very temple of Delight

x

x

x

; death of an artist

Her eyelids fluttered open and once more she was brought back to cold reality of the world. Slowly, painfully so, Tetsuna swung herself out of bed and yawned at the sight of dawn peaking over the horizon. She wiped her tired eyes of sleep and mentally groaned at the day to come.

It was after gathering her bearings that she quickly made way over to the window where angrily she shut the blinds closed and huffed in annoyance. The sun's rays weren't harsh, but it was the type of early morning thinking that perhaps if she couldn't see the world, the world wouldn't see her and in return ask for nothing but solitude.

Of course she didn't fully believe in such foolishness, but a person could imagine that life worked so simply.

BARK BARK

Rolling her eyes and exhaling a soft sigh, Tetsuna opened her door to see her Husky puppy smiling with it's tongue lulled out. She clicked her tongue in mock annoyance and walked past him into the kitchen where she kept his dog food in the pantry. His eyes seemed to brighten as she pulled out the bag, but she reasoned with herself that Nigo's eyes always looked sparkly, and he most definitely didn't understand her.

Tetsuna loved her dog, really she did, but it was during early mornings that she would slightly regret her decision of rescuing him. Sure, her kept her company when others could not, but the fact of the matter still stood that no one needed that much noise at the break of dawn.

"Shh, Nigo, I'm getting your food now," it looked at her with confusion, apparently having no idea what she was saying other than his name, "Sit." He complied and a rush of relief passed over her. In her four months of owning him, he at least knew the most basic of commands and for that she was grateful.

She picked his red bowl by the refrigerator, and promptly began pouring two cups of dog food in. Nigo stood up upon hearing the sound of food against metal, but she gave him a stare that said 'be patient.'

When Tetsuna finally finished she set his food down and picked a similar red bow up where she hurriedly ran the tap water underneath before putting it next to Nigo's who began to eat furiously.

A smile appeared on her face as she watched her dog greedily consume his entire bowl in under a minute.

During such bliss however, a horrifying thought occurred to her that perhaps when he grew into an adult dog he would want to eat more, and demand better quality food by being too stubborn to eat anything else.

Her face paled and as if sensing her sudden mood swing Nigo perked up and began to claw at her leg for attention. She could only smile and pet his soft head while telling him everything was fine - even if he didn't understand what she was saying.

It was in silence that she then began to wash the dirty dishes from the previous night's dinner when the calm was disrupted by a loud girlish voice.

"Tetsunnaaa-chan!" A female with long bubblegum colored hair came bawling out and ran into tetsuna, to which she could only catch her friend in her arms. Awkwardly she patted Momoi's back and began to ask prodding for answers.

She couldn't make out what her friend was saying, but between sniffles and hysterical crying Tetsuna got the picture. Her friend, and roommate, had been dumped via text.

And so Tetsuna sat on their couch holding a crying Momoi for twenty minutes, gently stroking her hair all the while whispering soft and comforting words.

{ x . x . x }

Tetsuna felt herself falling asleep before actually doing so. Her eyes grew heavy as if made of lead, and her left arm began to tire from holding her chin up. So it was within a matter of seconds that her head hit the desk with a soft thump, and her mind was filled with nothing but darkness.

She didn't dream so there were no nightmares to be had, but it was such a state of blankness that terrified her.

Her world, though full of varying shades of gray, had never once been thought of as a singular color. To her, happiness came in waves that rolled over into a never ending sea of regret.

Tetsuna didn't think of herself as a pessimist, but rather a realist and it was because of that, that she knew her life wasn't all loneliness and melancholy.

It wasn't optimism, it was pure fact.

"….be due on Monday after the break. I will see you all then on Friday, and I hope by that time you've made some progress on your project."

The sound of scuffling shoes on hard tile awakened her, but it was the gathering around a paper that piqued her interest. She could hear the quiet moans of some, and relived sighs of others, each sound only heightening her curiosity.

Like a ghost she expertly made her way to the front where she read the contents of the paper and finally put two and two together. Apparently there was a combined project where the professor chose their partners.

Her eyes quickly scanned the list with a twinge of anxiousness and soon enough she found her name next to someone she'd never expected to meet again.

"Excuse me, are you Kuroko Tetsuna?" she turned around and wasn't shocked when she came face to face once more with a man that held the color of the world in his hair. Tetsuna didn't smile, but the tiniest trace of relief could be seen as an unfamiliar emotion took place, but not even a second later she schooled it back into perfect passiveness.

"Ah, yes I am, and you are Midorima Shintaro?" she lied through her teeth, but it was with enough conviction that an average person wouldn't notice the strain in her voice from not simply telling the truth.

He nodded his head curtly and then proceeded to stare at her for an uncomfortable amount of time afterward, "Is there something on my face?" She knew there wasn't, but the ever persistent gaze was starting to unnerve her.

"No, I was just thinking you looked familiar…." he trailed off as if he expected her to answer his unsaid question, but when she didn't he took it as a sign of confirmation. "I see I was wrong however."

Tetsuna nodded her head but didn't say anything further.

"If you're free on Wednesday I would like to start on our project," he pushed his glasses up not in nervousness but in a type of seriousness that stated he wanted to get everything over with quickly.

She paused for a moment if only to annoy him, "I am, where would you like to meet Midorima-san?"

"The campus library at one o'clock exactly," he then pulled out a sticky note from his satchel and began to write down the details. It insulted her that he would think so lowly of her as to think she would forget such simple details; and so she made it clear she was upset when she quickly took the sticky note from him and placed it on her textbook without even looking at it.

He gave her a small bow before turning to leave. "Make sure you familiarize yourself with 'An Inquiry into the Good.'" Tetsuna nodded her head in understanding and watched as he strode out of the room without so much of a good-bye.

The note on her textbook lay forgotten, but not missed.

{ x . x . x }

A coffee shop two miles away from her university was where she decided to eat lunch at.

Her knowledge of such an establishment had been one to none, but it was the persistence of Nigo to disregard their trail one morning that she found her favorite place to just sit and soak in the world.

Tetsuna's blue eyes softened at the memory and as she walked uphill to a more secluded area she spotted the eccentric looking building clearly. With a purple exterior and a curb appeal adorned with flowers, it was a wonder she didn't think of it as a flower store even after so many visits.

Quietly she walked in and the scent of freshly baked pastries made salvia pool in her mouth. The shop was less about the coffee and more about the breathtaking pastries that were displayed, despite her always calling it a coffee shop and it was only the convenience that made her label it as such.

There were a few people already inside, but there was only one man in front of her ordering. However, as soon as he was finished the cashier disappeared behind the counter leaving Tetsuna in wonder of what to do.

She rang the bell once, twice, and in a matter of seconds the girl came running back with a plethora of 'I'm sorry.'

After politely ordering her ice coffee and vanilla pastry, she sat herself down in a far off corner where the seats looked a little worn for wear, and the metal table was cold to the touch. A potted plant hung above her precariously, and she made a mental note to be extra careful should it decide to come crashing down.

Tetsuna then set her bag next to her seat and took out her sketch book for she had two hours to waste before going to her next class.

She mindlessly doodled everything and anything. From the store layout to a peony that stood lonely amongst a sea of pink lilies. It seemed as though whoever decided to flourish the shop had no sense how many of what flower should go where, nevertheless Tetsuna found it to be charming in it's own peculiar way.

However, despite the lack of aesthetic she couldn't help but to keep staring at the flower until she was sure it would be ingrained into her brain.

She pulled her hair into a low ponytail before reaching for her pencil once more and began to draw the pointed ends of the lilies with a quick flick of the hand, and wistfully sketched the endless sea of waves from the peony.

Quickly she added the vase and the counter where it stood next to a trash can. A dampener to the perfect image, but nonetheless she added the garbage in and drew each metal intercity with a meticulous eye.

'Would someone misinterpret this?' people had a tendency to see a deeper meaning behind some of her more simple drawings, and to say it didn't amuse her would be a lie. People will see what they want to, and if flowers next to garbage meant something to them Tetsuna wouldn't be one to tell them otherwise.

The light tinker of the door bell brought Testing out of her musings, but it was the man who entered a mere second afterward that caught her attention.

There were times in her life that despite all rational thinking, she felt the sudden urge to pick up her pencil and simply draw. The times were few and far between, but when such an occurrence would happen her mind would go blank before color burst open a new perspective.

Without any cohesive thought she turned the page of her sketch book and began to immortalize a man whom she's never met, let alone seen the face of. The soft curves of his cheeks, the steep angle of his nose, and his eyes, were all things she would only imagine, not having the guts to actually see the man in person.

Her knuckles were white, and the pressure of lead on paper made indents onto the sheet beneath; his presence alone made her feel compelled to draw him, as if he silhouette could speak and it demanded her to notice him.

There was no rhyme or reason to the frantic scribblings of her hand, but Tetsuna felt the need to capture him as quickly as possible, for she feared that if she saw who the man truly was it would ruin the whole scene she created around him.

He was a mystery, and before time ran out she was determined to solve him.

So engrossed with her drawing she didn't notice when he turned around after ordering, only to sit a few seats a way from her. A raised eyebrow and a smirk was lost on her as she kept her focus on trying not to look up before she was done.

Her hand ached and grimace, not a smile, graced her lips as she finished with a smooth stroke to his hair.

"Are you done? I think it's only right for the subject to see what the artist has created."

* * *

**Question:** Who do you think the person is at the coffee shop? And who do you think she'll meet next?

I'm sorry this is going really slowly, but as I said this story is more about characters than a fast paced action drama.

I tried to edit a lot of this, but the ending part was really hard for me because I couldn't quite capture what I personally felt when writing that bit the night before. C'est la vie.

**If you don't mind please show your support by reviewing, following or favoriting.** Possibly all three. xD


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